Ya no lo recordaba, y de repente, ....zasssss ... en toda la cara! Es duro, muy duro, cuando te gusta una persona, y lo único que quieres es pasar tiempo con ella, con calma y sosiego, para ir descubriendola, exactamente como persona: porqué uno ya no es adolescente, y el bagaje de experiencias que llevas te hace pensar y reflexionar. Pero todavía ocurre! Hay veces que en pocos momentos te sientes atrapado, y no sabes como actuar: quieres demostrar tu interés, tus ganas, en otras palabras tus emociones, pero el miedo a recibir una negativa al final puede más, y estás siempre, o casi, retenido en tu jaula de pensamientos, inquietudes y temores. Pero si una cosa he podido aprender en estos años es que las acciones y los actos pueden más que las palabras. Es así que me doy cuenta que no hay correspondencia, y eso duele, duele porqué las emociones se quedan ahí sin poderse expresar, y explotan en tu cuerpo como una súbita implosión. No queda que el tiempo haga su curso, y que la turbación pase, hasta el día que me despierte y podré decir: hoy es un nuevo día! Mientras, la conciencia de que estoy vivo, acompañada pero del quebranto de mi ser y de mi corazón.
There're still moments in life when you feel alive in emotions and feelings. I love that, truly believe what I say...... just hoping the intuitions I've got can become real, that will be the summum of the equation of life! If not, well..... thanx to be the medium to make me feel once again alive, when I was thinking, yeah just thinking!, I was a walking dead! Life is just around the corner, just open the eyes, ... that's really awesome!
It happens that I remember to use to dream a lot about my future when I was a little kid, surely influenced by the Tv that I used to watch at that time. I remember that with other kids we used to take pictures from all the books we could put our hands on just because we need a lot of stuff, from arms to cords, to bags, to special suits and of course to special ways to move very quickly from point to point, so bikes, cars, trucks, planes : our mission was to save the world from the bastards and evil people. Yes, definitely, we were aware that we had to fight against all the shit around us as long as we were the only ones that could see as things were going wrong,..... not always of course, but I mean .... We knew everything was happening in the world , we had contacts everywhere, nothing and no one was hiding from us !!!!! We were the possessors of the Real Truth, don't we?! We were the Heroes the world was waiting for, right!?
At a certain point we grew up and all that changed, all those promises to be - frankly speaking - supernaturally super-powered went vanishing. Well, you know, when you're young you enjoy life to the max without thinking of the consequences or better saying giving a shit of them, second after second, minute after minute, day after day, year after year after year and after year. And that's because everything was cool, no worries and no problems to constantly sort out.
Then all of a sudden it feels like you wake up and once again you just see the wrongs around yourself, a different shit this time: we're every day conscious of the world we live in, you start to understand the mechanisms of the system where you live your life , you start to get that intuition that nothing, nearly nothing, is like they taught or just told you. Unfortunately this time you don't feel that childish power that would let you fight with energy. Simply you notice to feel that sense of helplessness in an every day basis as far as you know you cannot do anything, regardless your intentions. You just feel you are a little rain drop in the middle of the desert, .... well I don't want to be so poetic, let's just go straight to the point: you know you're Mr Nobody, you're nothing, an absolute zero in the Justice System of our World, even though they keep on telling you the contrary that even your vote in the elections counts. Fallacy. Conspiracy. Insanity. Madness.
It's in that moment, in that precise moment that you realize that all your old memories come back real once again. You want to make them real, you want to make all the wrongs right, you want to be a brave man and a superhero. No, no, noooo.... Don't misunderstand the whole thing. You're doing it not for other people nor for being altruistic, but just for the selfish moral and ethics of yours, as well as your Ego. You don't care to hurt anybody actually. It's not a game anymore.... or maybe yes, somehow it is still a game, a chess game, where every step you take, every move you make, is perfectly calculating. This is the time when there's no time to waste through sailor promises at all: who's good and act good, fair enough , keep on rolling till he fails.... and when he fails no remedy nor return point , no second chances. Trust is to be earn, through acts and not words, but even so, you can only trust yourself: after all you go to sleep alone every night, no matter whom you're sharing your bed with. For all the rest a simple and clean disappearance, with no tracks of their legacy, a neat cut, painlessly physical and emotional, a very sweet death.
Training, Loneliness, Determination, Wisdom, Conscience awareness, Intrepidity, Perseverance: you, the Hero. But still in your depths a fragile Human Being.